Life Update (of a sort)

I…*deep breath* am now in college.

*shrieks, falls off a cliff that symbolizes existential horror and despair*

I’m kidding, I’m kidding, it’s not THAT bad. Just…stressful. I haven’t been blogging that much this year, because of depression, and I think college is probably going to impact my ability to blog even more, so that’s not really fun.

Also, why!! am I able to write PERFECTLY until I have to do an assignment!! Why is that??

I’ve been writing way, way more lately. Unfortunately, I have not been organized enough to pick a specific project. So I’ve been randomly working on fanfics, some Arthurian stuff, and one Tam Lin retelling that may or may not be going anywhere?

Yeah, the Tam Lin retelling is like…I’m going for a Southern Gothic feel, so think Flannery O’Conner meets Twilight, lol. It’s a contemporary fantasy. Mostly. I mean, it’s as contemporary as the southern US can get. The south is kind of a timeless place. Sure, we have cars. We have internet. But nothing changes. It’s not…It’s not a good quality, actually.

Also, I’ve noticed my male characters tend to fit into two archetypes, which is either ‘evil bard’ or else ‘got high in the woods.’ Which one is Tam Lin going to fit into? I will see.

Getting off track, this is kind of personal, but I’ve kind of been questioning as far as my gender identity? I think I’m agender. Oops. I feel like that’s something that probably shouldn’t have surprised me, in retrospect.

I’ve been taking a dance appreciation course (save me), so I’ve been watching a lot of Bharatanatyam dance (am I spelling that right? I hope so). I should probably spend less time watching dances I like and more time actually doing my homework, but oh well!

Go on…Get lost in the rabbit hole of Indian classical dance. I promise you won’t regret it. (Unless you have homework to do.)

Also, why hasn’t Disney adapted an Indian folk tale yet? India has such a rich music and dance tradition, and I think an Indian director (or someone who was dedicated to faithful representation) could do a really good job with this.

I’ve also been listening to some Bollywood soundtracks!

The color scheme of this dance is so beautiful. As is the music. I’ve never watched the movie, but!! the dance!!

Also, just a rant because I feel like it: My sociology classmates are awful? We were talking about taboo foods and I mentioned dogs as a food that’s taboo in America (which in retrospect I REALLY should have known better than to do), and then suddenly my classmates started making ‘Chinese eat dogs’ jokes. I was really caught off guard, so I wasn’t able to really shut it down. :/ Anyway, I hate them now! Yay

On a different, more cheerful note, I’ve also been watching Flower of Evil? It’s great so far! The drama is about the son of a serial killer, and the son is suspected of being the accomplice, so he takes a fake identity and…marries a cop. And it’s funny because you think at first that he’s totally faking his love for her, he’s evil and is just manipulating her and all that–he isn’t. He’s absolutely in love with her, he just thinks he’s faking it because trauma

Anyway, that’s all, folks! Wish me luck in college, I guess.

24 thoughts on “Life Update (of a sort)

  1. HI BECKY!! First: don’t even worry about not writing in an organized way- YA GIRL HASN’T WRITTEN ANY STORIES SINCE APRIL. and that’s because i forced myself to for the challenge!! *anyways*
    I’M PROUD OF YOU FOR SURVIVING COLLEGE- i always knew you could do it πŸ₯ΊπŸ˜­ and also proud and always support you thru your journey of understanding your gender identity!! would you like me to use they/them for you or other pronouns?
    P.S. I DO BHARATANATYMA and have learned for 8 years!! so if you ever have questions definitely do ask me!
    P.P.S. yeah honestly the male characters i write are either Throw The Whole Man Away TM or Sweetheart Momma’s Boy TM soooo
    P.P.P.S. throw the whole classmate(s) away

    Liked by 1 person

    • Haha well sometimes we all need a break, writing flash fiction every day for a month must have been hard 😊 I respect you. But yes, the important thing in writing is to have fun, or at least that’s what I tell myself when I fall down yet another writing-related rabbit hole at three in the morning *eye twitches*
      Thank you!! Hopefully I continue to survive and do not become a ghost. Ahh she or they pronouns are fine! Thank you so much.
      MULTITALENTED QUEEN. That’s so cool!!
      Ahaha yeah I’d say throw most of the men I write away? I mean I love them. but. find me a dumpster.
      (I WOULD IF I COULD. God that made me mad)

      Liked by 1 person

      • It was really fun though! But yes, a little hard lol. Thanks!! πŸ˜‚ lmao i feel you
        IF U BECOME A GHOST PLS EXPLAIN TO ME THE PHYSICS OF FLOATING AND TELEPORTING. when you teleport does it only take your body? do your clothes count? if you touch someone else do they come? do THEIR clothes count? is it whatever you’re touching teleports with you? so you have to jump so you don’t take the carpet/ground with you? yeah so I think about this a lot what do you mean I’m weird-
        yeah. exactly, find me the nearest dumpster!!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m glad college hasn’t killed you yet, and I hope its continuing efforts to do so remain as ineffectual as Arthur’s to drown baby Mordred and Oedipus’s to avoid his fate! ^.^ (Do you know what you’re studying yet? Are you living at home? Do you like college, minus the stress? Feel free to not answer my nosy questions.)
    I’m sorry your year hasn’t been great, and I hope this one is better for you, college or no college. ❀ Sometimes blogging just doesn't happen, and that's okay. I will always love your posts, however sporadic they may be.

    Your Tam Lin story is…I don't know how to feel about it, though I naturally wish you luck with it. I dislike Flannery O'Conner (her writing, not her :P) and Twilight never appealed to me even when I was the target audience, but…I'm intrigued? I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN ABOUT THE SOUTH. I don't live there (exactly), but I went to college in Mississippi freshman year, and that timelessness that's maybe not as charming as it sounds? Yes. I felt it. Tam Lin with that vibe is…something I want to read. (Also, the world needs more Tam Lin retellings.)

    "Also, why!! am I able to write PERFECTLY until I have to do an assignment!! Why is that??" <<<you have summed up my life.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Man, I hope college is as incompetent as a tragic hero. That makes me feel a lot better about my part in the primordial battle between college and student. (I don’t know what I’m studying yet. Hopefully I figure things out. And I’m living at home! Both for financial and coronavirus reasons. And, ah…I like English Comp so far!)
      Thanks, that means a lot to me! I do hope I get the chance to blog more, but I’m definitely not trying to force it.

      Okay, confession time: I have read one (1) Flannery O’ Conner story. I read A Good Man is Hard to Find when I was…eleven or twelve? It was hard for me to understand at the time, but I do think there was something about it that kind of felt…real. (Okay, I’m rereading it now and it does resonate with me. I get why you wouldn’t like it, because the writing style is very flat, if that makes sense, but I still get what she’s trying to say. I have, unfortunately, met people like this, especially the grandma and that old man who ran the filling station. I’ve never met anyone like the Misfit but I may have met people who aspired to be that. Also there are a couple of racial slurs that do serve a purpose in the story but that still make me vaguely uncomfortable, but also the whole ‘I’m a Southern gentlewoman and back in MY day people were respectful’ and turning around and calling a black kid ‘a cute little *racial slur*’–OH MY GOD I HAVE MET PEOPLE JUST LIKE THIS AND IT’S AWFUL.)
      Also, confession number two: I like Twilight. It’s dumb, absolutely, but my teenage self found it really fun and I like the way it mixes the comic and the dark? Edward IS, actually, a character from a horror, but he’s been transplanted into a romance and everyone just pretends that he’s a romantic hero I guess but I really like that!! It’s weird! That being said, I think the author should have developed the idea a lot more (and gotten rid of some of those accidental implications with the Native characters but that’s a whole other, long topic).
      And, yeah. There absolutely should be more Tam Lin retellings. Where do I sign the petition for this.
      Oh, so I’m not the only one who feels that way about the South!! It just kind of feels like the 19th century and the 50s and the modern day all got kind of meshed together into one timeline and now no one really knows what to do with themselves. It’s bizarre.

      Anyway I’ve hit you with a long wall of text, so my mission is done here for the day XD May the assignment god be with us. (I feel like there are saints you pray to for schoolwork but I can’t remember them??)

      Liked by 1 person

      • I see that. I definitely have met people like the guy at the filling station…not so much the grandma. But I’ve heard stories about people like the grandma. I haven’t read that many of Flannery O’Connor’s stories either – because I didn’t like them in the first place, haha (which does have a lot to do with the flatness. it’s why I’m not a fan of a lot of twentieth-century American classics. but also, I tend to not get her stories. at all.) – but yes, I can see what you’re saying.
        Oh, I get that! I remember my friend was OBSESSED with Twilight back in the day. And a friend read it recently and was like “it’s bad…but it’s fun.” The mixing of the comic with the dark would be a good idea, I’d think. And something about the idea of a character from a horror being a romantic lead is….causing me great amusement at the moment.
        YES. (Those are exactly the right decades, heh.) It is bizarre. It’s like…I do kind of love it, but also I’d never want to live there long-term.

        (I feel like…Saint Thomas Aquinas, maybe? That would make sense. As a good Baptist who regards with deep suspicion the idea of praying to saints…I don’t really know these things, haha.)

        Liked by 1 person

  3. BEEECCCCKKKYYYYYYYY *tackles you in a hug* I’VE MISSED YOU, FREN. (Which isn’t to guilt trip you into posting more often. One bit. Life gets busy and COLLEGE and a year being yicky is ickth and I get it. But I just want you to know I love seeing your posts show up in my feed.)

    Congratulations on starting college! But aww man, I’m sorry it’s been hard. 😦 Freshman year *can* be. Any year can be, of course, but freshman year in its own particular way. I’ll keep you in my thoughts and prayers, for sure. ❀

    And college classes can be….the worst? In general I like to give them the benefit of the doubt but sometimes it's just not possible. I send you virtual hugs and chocolate. Or whatever the sweet thing of your choice may be.

    YOUR WRITING SOUNDS SO PRODUCTIVE THO. A round of applause for being able to write ANYTHING! College assignments'll get done when they have to, right? Who cares about essays when there is FANFICTION calling? I've never actually gotten into Flannery O'Connor? Which I should. I've tried a couple of her stories and I just….they didn't click with me. Do you have any recommendations for where to start?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you!! That means a lot to me! I like your posts a lot too even though I don’t always get the time to comment.

      College classes definitely can be the worst. I don’t even know. Thanks for the virtual chocolate and the prayers

      Yes, exactly! Essays can wait. Okay, I haven’t actually read a lot of Flannery O’Connor, but I do like A Good Man is Hard to Find (there is some content in the story as far as child murder and racial slurs in the story, though, I don’t know how much either of those would bother you).


  4. Wow, college! That can indeed be super stressful. I know from experience, though I am old and graduated now. You can do this! My sister who is in college is taking a dance class and she was watching that same video! I walked in and I was like, “…Is this homework?”
    Ugh, the being able to write until it comes to an assignment struggle is real. I don’t know why this is, but…it certainly is.
    All the best of luck at college!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. “falls off a cliff that symbolizes existential horror and despair*” IF THAT ISN’T THE MOST ACCURATE THING eVER-

    college!! best of luck and i have full faith you’ll come out on the other side still alive if not unscathed πŸ’• interestingly enough, i had a rly similar conversation abt. the dog meat trade / yulin in middle school. *sighs* i REALLY should have known better. have u met some of the more accepting people in your class? in other words, it’s gr8 that you’ve been writing so much more !! productivity? personally never heard of her 😳 the southern gothic aspect sounds *hella dope-* oh my god. also the male archetypes you write are the ones i live for. if they’re not either A) evil or B) high in the woods– i don’t want it xD

    i saw that you said you were fine w/ she/they pronouns so i’ll use those! if i can ask, are there other gendered words you’re not comfy w? i’ve also been questioning a lot lately that whole shebang is confusing as heck. you have my full support, always!! (^^)

    also- you do not know how IMPOSSIBLY hAPPY i was to see that you were watching/getting into bharatanatyam *sobs* i’m not a dancer myself but people getting into my culture just πŸ₯° the whole cinematography padmaavat movie itself is /GOALS/ it just blew my mind ??

    good luck w/everything once again !! (not that you needed it :))

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m sorry it took me so long to get back to this amazing comment! yes I wish college wasn’t so hard 😐

      Agh I wish people weren’t so weird. Why are they so awful. It’s an online class, but I haven’t had any super weird interactions since then, luckily, and I’ve started to enjoy the class more. Ah thank you! I’ve been trying to write in between studying but sometimes I end up getting distracted instead :/ Haha, same! I like my antiheroes and my boys that are just somewhat /off/ if you know what I mean XD

      Thanks for asking! I think I’m okay with gendered words for the most part? I’m still kind of figuring things out, but it doesn’t bother me too much.

      Bharatanatyam is so PRETTY

      Thank you!! No, no, I absolutely need luck (i’m working on an essay right now and 😬)

      Liked by 1 person

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