In Which I Admit That the Books I Hate Aren’t COMPLETELY Terrible (yes, it was hard)

So, I have a few books that one could call my arch-nemeses. There are books I strongly dislike, and then there are books that came into my house, punched me in the face, and stole my dog. (Actually, I’m just a drama queen.) I’m here to talk about the latter! In a strange way, I kind of love them. I mean, I hate them, but I love them, so why not talk about them? I just want to talk about the good things these books had going for them and why, ultimately, those good things weren’t enough to get me to like them. Poor books.

Sarah came up with this idea, and it was too good for me to pass up. So I stole it.

Six of Crows

That’s right! Because I like to start things off with a bit of spicy controversy, I’m here to bash the book community’s fave.

I mean, say good things. That’s what we’re here for.

I like that Inej was Romani-coded? It’s sad, but I’ve hardly ever seen Romani main characters. They’re usually relegated either to the MyStIcAl side characters or else to the eeeevil vagrant role. Sometimes both, for good measure! So yeah, I liked that this book actually gave Inej a real, major role.

I also liked…

Hold on. Let me think.

Okay, okay, I’ll be fair. I actually liked or at least didn’t mind most of the side characters. Inej, the deuteragonist, was underdeveloped with poorly written trauma, but her basic concept was good. I couldn’t connect with Jesper, but again, I think the basic concept was good, and he wouldn’t need nearly as much fleshing out in order to get me to like him as Inej. I actually genuinely liked Wylan and Matthias! I’ll always (sometimes) have a hankering for the cute, soft characters, so Wylan was nice, and Matthias was the one character I would say was genuinely fleshed-out and complex. I legit loved Matthias! He was cool! And yeah, he did a lot of stupid things and had kind of violent tendencies, but I think it definitely made sense in context with his backstory. I like characters who go through some kind of conflict. Especially characters who realize they’re on the wrong side and slowly realize they have to leave behind everything they were taught. Just…God, I will always love that kind of arc.

(As a side note, it’s been a while since I read this, but I cannot remember one personality trait Nina had? Did she have any??)

Anyway, I don’t think I’d hate this book at all if it weren’t for the fact that I wanted to punt the smirking edgelord of a hero across the Pacific the whole time I was reading. (Did Kaz smirk? He seems like the sort of guy who would smirk.) Now, I don’t think I would have liked it even without Kaz–I personally didn’t find a lot of depth to the story–but Kaz did a LOT to tip my feelings over the edge.

Also, I just love gratuitous glorified torture scenes!! 😍 We stan complex handlings of violence. (And the anti-Asian racism–I’m SORRY I know I’m supposed to be saying good things.)

In conclusion, I stan Matthias and kind-of Wylan and would ditch everyone else.

The Cruel Prince

Madoc. Madoc was the only good part of this book and I stand by what I said. The book kept trying to tell me he was sooo violent and unmanageable but he was actually the most reasonable and intelligent character in the book? I still agree with what I said in my review about how he should have been the protagonist of the story. Also, he’s the only character who actually, you know…does stuff?

I also like the premise of this story! Human girl takes over fairy kingdom is not a bad plot at all. I just wish there were more actually-taking-over-the-kingdom parts and less vaguely rapey parts.

Red Riding Hood

Actually, you know what, there were no good parts of this book. Throw the whole thing away.

I reviewed it, sort of

Snow Like Ashes

Oh God.

I hated this one for the girl-hate and the dissing of sewists. And also Meira was a brat and the soldiers fighting for the villain were demonized even though they were literally magically brainwashed?? Apparently? I guess? And the plot was the most cliche high-fantasy plot you can come across 😷

I read this when I was young, so it has been a while, but I thought the concept of dividing kingdoms into seasons was very cool. Like sure, it’s not actually possible if you apply logic to it, but fantasy doesn’t always work off of logical assumptions! Also, I liked how the people from Winter had white hair and were immune to the cold, especially because I would also like to be immune to the weather.

Also, THERON OR THEON OR WHATEVER HIGH-FANTASY NAME HE HAD. HE WAS THE BEST. I stan my poet prince! He literally was so unproblematic and just wanted to help people, and was so good at connecting with people on an individual level 💙 But of course Meira went for the cardboard one instead.

The Belles

The fat queer character got killed off in a really graphic and unnecessary way, but I mostly just disliked it because every character (aside from the fat queer character who died) was flat. And the worldbuilding wasn’t that developed, either?

But! I don’t really have strong feelings about this book one way or the other. I mean, I didn’t like it, but there wasn’t a lot I hated, either. I do think that, while the world was underdeveloped, the story definitely created a strong atmosphere? I liked that. Also, it was nice to have a black mc in a fantasy novel! (Do I capitalize the words black and white when referring to ethnicity? Google keeps giving me conflicting answers and I’m so confused.) Having a black main character in a fantasy shouldn’t be something that’s unusual, but unfortunately I feel like black mcs in fantasy can be a little hard to come across. (They’re definitely there, though!) Either that or else I’m looking in the wrong places.

I don’t even hate this book, I just dislike it. So it shouldn’t even be on this list, but I needed a way to pad out that word count somehow ❤

Strange the Dreamer & Muse of Nightmares

I said on Goodreads that this duology felt like a fever dream, and I stand by what I said! It was long-winded and just sooo problematic >.< The handling of slavery and sexual assault was low-key abysmal? I mean, Eril-Fane was okay, but Ruby being implied to assault slaves was not as quirky as the story thought it was! And Lazlo was such a Mary Sue, my God. Anyway, this and The Cruel Prince are my favorite books to hate! (I have favorite books to hate because I’m an incredibly hateful person.)

I think some of the concepts set up in this book were very, very cool. I still love the idea of the ghost bird, and I love the idea of someone who can manipulate dreams! I’d kind of like to write a character with dream powers myself someday. Also, I loved the library and I kind of wish the whole book could have taken place there!

Eril-Fane is the king of character development and you cannot tell me otherwise. He deserved a better book. He deserved to be the protagonist. I love him! (And frankly, I’m kind of salty over the fact that the narrative kept dragging him over the coals for killing those kids. Which sounds like an absolutely RIDICULOUS thing to say out of context, but seriously, he had no reason to believe that the kids wouldn’t be super-powered montrous spawns of Satan. His decision definitely made sense in context with both what Eril-Fane knew at the time and with everything he had been through, and he was just trying to prevent his country’s people from going through systematic mass rape and murder again. In fact, you know what? The kids we saw were spawns of Satan. I say Eril-Fane should have killed more kids and we should all respect his right to kill kids–is that a mob with pitchforks and torches I see outside my window?)

And the way science/alchemy (kind of the same thing in this world) was portrayed in this was beautiful and amazing and it should have!! been the focus of the book!! The science was waay more interesting than any magic systems the book had. But really, I think the author honestly got the magical, wonderful nature of science that a lot of people miss. (Including me. I FAILED at science.)

I loved Thyon, but I have no idea if I would have latched onto him if there were other good characters who had screen-time. (My king Eril-Fane deserved SO much more screen-time *cries*) There were…a lot of things that went wrong, to say the least, but his arc was so compelling! But yeah, I liked him because he was mentally ill and queer thank GOD I have Wei Wuxian to fill that need now he was a fairly unique take on a character type I love! Give me all the cold-hearted characters who realize they have feelings, okay? Some of his scenes were really emotional, especially in the second book? I wish the whole book could have been like the best Thyon scenes.

Anyway, there’s a lot I like about this book, which is why I hate it so much. There’s nothing I hate more than something I wish I could like. What was it Cardan said? ‘I hate you so much all I can think of is you?’ ‘I hate you so much I can barely breathe?’ Something like that? But I have a simple plan to fix this book, and all disaster can be averted! Except not, because it’s already published. But oh well!

anyway, I think the story should have been a trashy, problematic gay romance between Lazlo and Thyon. That, cutting most of the purple prose, and adding in some adventure would have made this one of my favorites. As well as cutting the weird parts with the sexual assault, the unhandled xenophobia and internalized homophobia (seriously, a word of advice to people out there, if you aren’t going to handle important topics and devote time to them please do not put them in your story), and the weirdly ableist bits. Then we would have the perfect story.

Or, you know, it could have just been a tasteful novel about Eril-Fane and Azareen and that would have been great.

Anyway, while you guys are absolutely not allowed to read my Strange the Dreamer review because it was my first review and it was TERRIBLE, here’s my Muse of Nightmares review

The Guinevere Deception

This isn’t a book I hate, more one that I have strongly mixed feelings about, but I put this here so I can say one thing:

MORDRED.

That is all.

Many thanks to Sarah for letting me borrow her idea! I literally had so much fun with this. I feel like this was more of a roast than actually saying good things about the stories, but oh well.

The Identity Crisis Book Tag

Sophie (I love her name, btw) did a book tag this week, and while she didn’t tag anyone, I loved the tag so much? I had to do it. 🙂 It’s not like I have anything better to do then take a lot of quizzes, anyway. A plague is happening! I might as well have a bit of fun.

So, basically, I have to take a bunch of book quizzes and find out which characters I’m most like! I’m excited.

The Rules

1. Take all the quizzes down below and record your answers somehow. I decided to just copy the text from each quiz and paste it into my post, but screenshots work too! Whatever floats your goat (Yes goat. I SAID WHAT I SAID).
2. NO CHEATING. You get one shot to take each quiz my friends. I’m watching you. ∗Suspicious squinty eyes∗
3. Use this post to give credit to the creator Loretta @ The Laughing Listener or tag me on twitter @LaughnListener so I can see everyone’s answers!!
4. Tag some friends to spread the fun

(Sophie added a couple of quizzes and changed some of them, I think, so it’s a little different then how it was originally. Also, the quiz answers are in italics)

Shadowhunters

I barely remember this book. I think I read it when I was like…eleven? I thought it was dumb, but I was like eleven, lol. I’m not rereading it to find out, though!

(I chose Riverdale for the tv show and spite as my motivation lmao) (I don’t watch Riverdale but the clips I’ve seen of it were hilarious in the worst way possible and I loved them)

Jem Carstairs and Alec Lightwood!

You’re selfless yet guarded, protective and romantic. You value those around you more than yourself, and sometimes you need to be reminded to take a moment for yourself! You’re the friend that everyone loves to have around, even if you doubt it sometimes.

JEM?? I haven’t read the book he’s in. From what I heard, isn’t he the cute, sweet guy who’s always picking up the pieces after Tessa and Will’s toxic relationship? And he’s like, been poisoned or something? And Alec is the queer character, right?

I’ve never read the Infernal Devices and it’s been a really long time since I’ve read City of Bones, so I apologize if I got something wrong, but anyway, I couldn’t be happier with this result! Jem sounded like the best character in the book.

Throne of Glass

I know nothing about this book!

Chaol Westfall

You’re Chaol Westfall, Captain of the Guard: you’re loyal and dependable to the death, with a mind as sharp as the swords you wield. But watch that your sardonic sense of humour doesn’t come across as plain old sarcastic, and lighten up from time to time – who wants to be seen as a grump?

I…I guess? I don’t know who this is. Fun quiz though!

The Hunger Games

Katniss Everdeen

You are strong-willed, enduring, determined, and sacrificing. You are not afraid to speak your mind and there is no use in trying to change it, because you’re here to get down to business and to protect your loved ones, no matter who stands in the way.

As surprised as I am by this–I kind of thought I’d get Peeta–this makes a lot of sense. I think I am the most like Katniss. We’re both pretty guarded and we have a sharp, sarcastic sense of humor, I think.

Harry Potter

I legitimately have no idea which Harry Potter character I’m most like. Buzzfeed, inform me!

Neville Longbottom!!!

You’re awkward and clumsy and hate being the center of attention. But you’re brave and big-hearted and people can always trust you to help them out in a bad situation.

I mean, this does not describe me at all and Buzzfeed is wrong, but I still feel so lucky! I love Neville.

A Court of Thorns and Roses

I know nothing about this book other than what Cindy said about it! (From the youtube channel Read with Cindy. She’s hilarious. I feel like I have a good idea of what the book is about just from her.)

Amren

You are Amren. You can come of as vain, cunning, and temperamental, but under all that you can be caring. You prefer being by yourself. Nearly everyone is terrified of you and don’t want to get on your bad side, because you would make there life worse than hell. You only have a small group of friends and you would do anything for them, and them for you.

Okay, I have no idea who this is, but I feel like I’m getting a lot of the mean characters here and it’s starting to be kind of funny. In case you’re wondering, yes, most online quizzes have told me I’m a Slytherin.

The Raven Cycle

If I don’t get Gansey the quiz is wrong

Update: I got Richard Gansey!!

Ah, Gansey. You really know how to get people together and you probably have no idea how important that skill is. You’re likely invested in one particular subject or task, or you have a great interest in finding what someone might call “the meaning of your life”. Like Gansey, you’re a natural mediator. You have an almost supernatural trait which allows you to easily communicate with different kinds of people. A trait that makes you very likable amongst your peers and surroundings. Though, be careful not to hide your feelings under all that politeness. People are not made of plastic.

So, I’m not sure if the description fits me, because I’m not sure if I’m good at talking to people or not, but I definitely am a lot like Gansey in general. I love history and folklore, and I would drag my friends off on a silly quest to wake a sleeping, centuries-old king regardless of the consequences! (If I had friends, that is. XD ) But seriously, I’ve always really related to Gansey. I’m probably a mixture of Gansey and Ronan, because I like learning things but I’m also really angry a lot

Twilight

This book is such a guilty pleasure for me.

Jasper…Hale?!!!

Hey, Jasper. Howdy there! You’re quite reserved, but we know there’s a whole lot of personality underneath that icy undead skin of yours. People look to you for leadership in times of conflict — no one’s better at strategizing than you. Just remember: It’s OK to smile every once in a while.

So I am, apparently, the Confederate soldier who wants to eat people. Yay!

I’m even from the South. The quiz knew. *sobs* I’m so sorry, everyone. Is it bad that I find this hilarious?

The Cruel Prince

I hated this book lmao

I’m going to say I’m most like Madoc, though! I related to him most, at least

Jude.

You are strong and once you make a decision, you won’t back down. Your resilience is both admirable and terrifying at the same time.

Oh.

Whatever. I’m most like Madoc.

Lunar Chronicles

Fun fact! I have never read any of these books.

Winter

Step-daughter of Queen Levana. She regarded as the most beautiful person on Luna, even with three scars across her face, which are rumored to have been caused by a jealous Levana. She refuses to use her Lunar gift of glamouring and manipulation and has slowly been driven crazy as a result.

She sounds cool!

Percy Jackson

If I don’t get Nico it’s the quiz’s fault, not mine! I have related to that kid since I was a wee eleven-year-old.

Magnus Chase

You’re super resourceful and self-reliant, although this can encourage your loner instincts. But when you make friends, you stick up for them. You just do this in your own clever, funny way, avoiding conflict unless absolutely necessary. But hey, we know you’re not averse to mixing it up if you have to. The fact that you can make it all look so easy, all while focusing on diet and fitness? Teach us your ways, Einherji.

What? I don’t even know who this is. Whatever.

An Ember in the Ashes

I loved this book a lot

Elias

Like Elias, who doesn’t want the violent life of a soldier that’s been carved out for him and is fighting for his soul, you value freedom above all else.

I knew I’d get this cinnamon bun! I love this boy.

Six of Crows

I didn’t really like this book either…*hides* *I’m sorry it’s my fault* I hope I get Wylan or Inej, though. They were both really cool.

Kaz…

Okay, before I post the description, I have to say, WHAT? I’m so mad.

You are most like Kaz, a criminal prodigy and rising star among Ketterdam’s gangs. Cunning, quick-witted, and a born leader, you are a planner who leaves nothing to chance. But beware: though you excel at trickery, you’re dangerously good at fooling yourself.

Okay, okay, maybe the ‘dangerously good at fooling yourself’ part MIGHT be true, under certain circumstances. I’ll be right back, I have to become a seventeen-year-old Gary Stu mob boss and pull off a heist. (I’m eighteen, though. This is already going to be hard.)

I would like to apologize to everyone’s problematic faves I insulted! I love YA, but I love bashing YA more. This was such a hilarious and fun thing to do (I still can’t believe I got JASPER of all people, that was probably the funniest one to me).

Okay, and before I forget (because I’ve been forgetting for about a month), I am now on Goodreads! Or something. I still can’t figure out how Goodreads works, and I’ve accidentally posted a review before I was ready twice now, so that’s fun!

Anyway, I’m not tagging anyone, but if you want to do this, feel free. 😉

Liebster Award!

Sarah sort-of tagged me back for the Liebster award, after I tagged her, except she didn’t tag me, but you could say she technically did. (Yes I’m confusing.) Her questions were great! I wanted to answer them. That is all.

Anyway, I had a lot of fun with this, and that’s what matters.

The Rules

Acknowledge the blogger(s) who nominated you. (Thank you, Sarah!)

Answer the 11 questions you’ve been asked. (That’s why I’m here, after all)

Give 11 random facts about yourself. (…Fine.)

Nominate 11 bloggers and notify them that they’ve been nominated. (I’m not tagging anyone this time!)

Give your nominees 11 questions to answer. (Again, nope!)

1. What is your dearest possession?

I–

I guess I could answer something like my books, maybe my computer (or my dolls that I still kind of love despite the fact that I’m like a thousand years old or something heh heh), but I don’t know. I feel like I don’t…I don’t need them? I love them, but all I need to keep myself happy is myself. I’m not a minimalist at all, though, and will absolutely buy some random stupid thing if I feel like it just because it looks cute. I guess I have a complicated relationship with my possessions.

2. What is a book (that you’ve read all the way through) that you consider simply Not Worth Reading?

Now this one is easier to answer! I wrote two excessively long reviews on both The Cruel Prince and Muse of Nightmares, precisely with this sentiment. But I’m going to go on about them a little more!

Jude and Cardan’s relationship is basically just fetishized abuse. I, personally? I do not find it cute. At all. I’ve liked some glorified abusive relationships (IN FICTION) before, but there was something about Jude and Cardan that was just…joyless. It’s not really that they love each other and are incapable of showing it in healthy ways, they just hate each other but also find each other hot. There’s a big difference between the two for me, but unfortunately, YA tends to go for the second one a lot.

Then Muse of Nightmares was just a mess. There were a lot of problems I had that I went into in my review, but let me just say this now. I swear to God, if someone ever saw the nightmares I have because of anxiety and decided there was some kind of darkness in me based off of that, I would–I don’t know. Yell at them. Curse their name. Turn them into a swan and enchant them to wander the earth until they learn the value of empathy.

Actually, I wouldn’t do any of that. I would just swear a vow of undying hatred that they would never know about and then I would complain loudly to my family as soon as they were gone. Because #ConflictManagement! (I’m terrible.)

Also, the gay characters just felt kind of…fetishized, I guess?

Anyway, this got longer than I expected it too. I like talking about things I hate.

3. What is a book you adore that you also realize is Not For Most?

Ooh, I love this question! It’s a little hard to say, because a lot of books have at least something in them that isn’t for everybody. So, while the real answer is probably some Problematic ™ Classic that I can’t think of right now, I’m going to answer The Hollow Kingdom. The horror elements in that book are SO good, and the characters are incredibly well-developed. I love the book. I grew up reading it. But it also features a captor/captive romance (like Beauty and the Beast or Persephone and Hades), and while a lot of people do like that kind of thing or at least don’t mind it, a lot of people also hate it. So maybe it’s not that it ‘isn’t for most,’ but I do realize it isn’t for everybody.

4. Would you prefer the earth to be flat?

No. Even though C.S. Lewis did a nice job of selling it aesthetically, spheres are much more pleasing. I just love circular things, okay? They’re just. So beautiful.

Now, there are historical theories that I do wish were true. Aether! Alchemy! Especially alchemy. Alchemy is incredibly cool.

5. Do you prefer pencil or pen for writing?

If you asked me to write a story with a pen, I would LITERALLY DIE. Have you seen my typos?

I’m fine with writing notes with a pen, though.

6. What’s an out-of-your-comfort-zone book that you unexpectedly loved?

I guess Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation was my first time reading an Adult book that wasn’t over fifty years old, so I’ll count that. It was also my first time reading BL, so it was definitely a new genre for me and I didn’t really know what to expect.

I love this book so much! The characterization is really something else, and the relationship between the two heroes is so sweet. 😭 They really love each other so much. And I actually relate to Wei Wuxian a ton. Also, Wuxian and Lan Zhan just have so MUCH chemistry?? I swear they have to be one of the best romantic couples I’ve ever read.

7. If you could live in any time period in any country (by which I do mean you’d be stuck there), which?

Hmm, this is a hard one. They all have their drawbacks. I love the Joseon dynasty (a pretty broad time period, I know), because the clothes and art are so beautiful (and possibly because I have watched way too many dramas, lol). I also like 1920s England and America. And also the Regency period, because even though I’m not sure if I’d fit into the society, I still love the aesthetics!

8. What historical character do you want to see in a novel, that you haven’t?

Ooh, I really like this. I assume this is asking about retellings of historical figures, and not my dream Historical Fiction novel?

I’d love a novel about Wu Zetian. She was an empress during the Tang dynasty, and the first empress to rule the empire in her own right! She is kind of a controversial figure because she was accused of certain stuff that she…probably didn’t do? I don’t know a whole lot about her, I’ve only read a couple articles and her Wikipedia page, but she sounds REALLY cool and I’d love a historical retelling!

Uh…and also Boudicca. The Celts were (are) very cool and Boudicca is a wonderful woman who fought against a corrupt imperial force that was in the process of subjugating the local people. My only fear is that someone would make it tacky. Sometimes ancient Celtic cultures get portrayed as this angelic, pure, and wonderful matriarchal culture that got wiped out by an evuuul patriarchal society, or else they get portrayed as uncivilised and brutish. Or both at the same time, for extra annoyance! Also, the Romans were horrible a lot of times and conquering did not bring out the best in them, so maybe don’t glorify them so much. Rome did a lot of good things, to be sure, but they also did a lot of bad. (Random Mists of Avalon hate coming through, but fun fact! The druids in England were wiped out by the Roman pagans, not Christians! There is legitimate religious persecution Christians took part in, but that was not it and maybe creating historical conflict that didn’t exist low-key annoys me!) But anyway, getting off of that tangent, I think you could tell a really interesting story about Boudicca.

Also, you may have guessed this from my smol rant, but I personally am very…ambivalent on Rome. I love the Byzantine Empire, though. It definitely had MAJOR flaws, but I find it amazing anyway.

And, on that note, Empress Theodora!! She’s so amazing, you guys. She started out as a (15 year-old! 🤢) prostitute, and then she married the future emperor, and the rest was history! Literally. Look her up!

(Also, some historian from her time period wrote some absolutely perverted account about her that was–probably, from what I know?–very biased, and then my history book just put an excerpt from that down and portrayed it as probably true. Gah I hate sexism in history books that doesn’t come from the actual people from the time period. Leave sexism in the 500s, guys! Anyway, /rant)

9. WWI or WWII?

OH GOD WORLD WAR ONE PLEASE BUT BOTH WERE TERRIBLE AND SCREWED EVERYONE UP SO BAD. World War II was basically everyone competing to dig themselves so deep they’d be tens of thousands of miles below the Mariana Trench by the time it was over.

Anyway, I don’t want to share a time period with Nazis (*sobs in 2020*).

Also, on a much lighter note, Edwardian dresses are just…beautiful? I love the silhouettes and the colors and everything!

10. If you were a pirate captain, what would you name your ship?

Easy. The USS Enterprise. I’ve never felt more of a closet nerd than this moment, I’m sorry, I grew up on Star Trek okay

11. What’s the first fictional character you remember relating to as a child?

Hmm. It’s honestly a little hard to say. It’s probably one of the characters in the media I consume when I was eleven to twelve. It might have been Loki (I’m sorry). It might have been over-dramatic and very loud Tamaki–or it possibly could have been Haruhi? Or it might have been Gu Yong-Ha. I know Gu Yong-Ha was the first kind of life-changing character I came across. He taught me that you can be feminine and love fashion and still be super cool and wily and fun. Which is good, because I had just entered into my ~not like other girls~ phase, and thank God he kept me from becoming that insufferable person.

So, uh…Does anyone want eleven random facts about myself?!

1. ‘Historically accurate’ Arthuriana bugs me. I’m used to the story in a High Medieval setting, and the retellings are never actually historically accurate anyway, because the stories they adapt it from are completely ahistorical (and also because there is a LOT people Just Don’t Know about the time period, including whether or not Arthur actually existed). It’s not like there’s anything wrong with ‘historically accurate’ retellings, but they aren’t usually my cup of tea (I say, as if I regularly read Arthurian retellings in the first place).
2. We have four baby geese! Their names are Nimue, Emu, Zebu, and Minnow. Emu keeps biting her friends.
3. Hans from Frozen deserved better. Also, that twist made no sense. Yes, I’m still complaining about it years later.
4. I don’t tend to read a lot of retellings anymore, and that makes me sad.
5. I have been trying to find history books and articles and something, anything about medieval Egypt, and I just…cannot find anything. I hate it when this happens to me. Wikipedia always fails me in my darkest hour
6. I also would love to learn more about medieval Scotland, but I don’t know where to start. (rec me your favorite documentaries and history books, if you want!)
7. I am extremely pretentious, but I’m sure you’ve never noticed
8. I never know anything about grammar or what you’re supposed to do with English. Sometimes I read my mangled documents I wrote late at night and marvel.
9. I just finished The Untamed and now I’m on a show hangover. IT WAS SO GOOD YOU GUYS (and yes, that was the screen adaptation of Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation, in case you didn’t know). I’m currently trying to write a review, but getting my thoughts in order is hard.
10. I tend to think of a lot of things as overrated, and yes, I am exactly as horrid as I sound
11. Mulan is my favorite Disney movie.

I wrote all this at around five in the morning. I’m sure you couldn’t tell 💀 I have a feeling there are typos, but I didn’t look too hard. This was incredibly fun, though, and I enjoyed ranting about stuff I know nothing about (isn’t that what this whole blog is for?). Tell me your favorite historical period in the comments!

The Cruel Prince; a review, in which I try not to rant my head off and fail

This book has everything I like in a story. Fairies? Court intrigue? A spicy enemies-to-lovers romance?! ANTIHEROINES?! It’s like someone had a book idea marketed personally to me!

That being said…

*sighs* *lets book fall to floor* *starts stabbing book viciously with spear*

Yeah, as you may have guessed, we didn’t work out. I feel cheated. The book probably felt pretty mad at me, too, after I chucked it in the trash along with a spider that had died on the cover. Maybe the spider read the book and decided to give up the ghost then and there. But anyway, that’s why I’m reviewing with a library copy now. Just in case you were wondering.

To clarify a few things: Firstly, I read this book about a year ago, and I am absolutely not REreading this book, so, although my memory on this book is pretty clear, it’s obviously not going to be as sharp as when I first finished it. Secondly, even though the book and I really didn’t get along and it was a pretty tough breakup, I’m going to try my hardest not to let this devolve into a rant. Not because I have anything against rant reviews–they’re pretty fun to read, and I totally get wanting to let your feelings out when a book made you mad–but because I have dreams of getting published someday, and I know a rant review would hurt to read as an author. Not that the author would ever find this review, but do unto others, as they say.

*Reads my entire first three paragraphs* Whoops. Apparently it’s too late. Anyway, I will try to talk about this in an evenhanded tone, but I make no promises, because this book made me really mad.

It made me mad for several reasons, including the badly written court intrigue (NOTHING HAPPENED UNTIL OVER HALFWAY THROUGH THE BOOK), but at a point, the plot was the least of my problems. No, my problems start with Jude and end with Cardan. They. Were. Awful.

When they told me I was getting a cruel prince, I expected someone like this:

Yes that is an opium pipe she’s handing him

Oh, or how about this:

Is it cow blood? Is it a fetus? Who knows.

Okay, technically I didn’t expect full-on Yi Heon, because I hadn’t watched that drama yet when I read this book, but I expected a character like this. Absolutely insane, completely paranoid, murdering everyone he’s paranoid of, maybe even a drug addiction that negatively impacts his life, a tense and emotionally fraught relationship with the heroine, he loves the heroine in an utterly twisted way but it’s still really sad (up to a certain point in the drama ahem), but please cut the rapey parts if you’re going to make him a first lead, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. (Yi Heon was not a first lead. We are good.) Instead, taking it piece by piece, a) we didn’t get much insanity from Cardan–probably a good thing, to be honest, because I don’t have faith in YA’s ability to handle a mentally ill villain, b) there may have been some sort of fairyland equivalent of LSD, but neither that nor the alcohol addiction seemed to affect Cardan’s life in anyway–oh please no, YA, alcoholism destroys lives, and c) it wasn’t as much a tense and emotionally fraught relationship so much as Cardan being a jackass 24/7. Oh, and finally, d) YOU FORGOT TO CUT THE RAPEY PARTS, HOLLY BLACK.

Just posting Crowned Clown gifs to get me through this review
Also, this gif is everything I wanted from Cardan and Jude that I did not get

Here’s the big problem I have with this book: all of Cardan and Jude’s interactions are sexualized, but all of Cardan and Jude’s interactions are focused on Cardan humiliating Jude. And on first read, I thought the sexualization was much subtler and (most of) it was just a thing that I personally saw, but skimming through it now, I’m not so sure:

“Oh, so you’ll do what I say for her sake?” Cardan’s gaze is hungry, devouring. “Does that feel noble?” He pauses, and in that silence all I hear is Taryn’s hitched breath. “Does it?”

^ You see my point? ‘Hungry, devouring’ are two adjectives that are used a) for two characters who are lovers, or b) for someone getting off on another person’s discomfort. Considering he’s the hero, I don’t like this very much. It left a bad taste in my mouth, and you may call me a wimp if you like. But no, it doesn’t stop there.

Cardan walks behind me. “You are docile today. Did your sister admonish you? She desires our approval very much.” One of his booted feet toes the clover-covered ground, kicking up a clod. “I imagine that if I asked, she’d roll with me right here until we turned her white gown green and then thank me for the honor of my favor.” He smiles, going in for the kill, leaning toward me as if confiding a secret. “Not that I’d be the first to green-gown her.”

Okay, first of all, ewww that sounds like something a badly written Harlequin romance novel hero would say ewwwww, and secondly, when I first saw this, I thought he was threatening to rape Taryn (the sister), and I am not entirely sure Cardan didn’t mean Jude to take it that way, too. As I read on, he wasn’t…technically saying this (fairies can’t lie in this world), because Taryn does in fact sleep around with a lot of guys and is kind of a social climber, so…Um…I guess Taryn would probably have consented, as in, she’d have actually wanted to do it, but if she didn’t, I mean, how much of a choice would she still have had in that situation, and…IT WAS A BAD BOOK, OKAY? And for some context as to why I would call it rape, Taryn is human and Cardan is a fairy prince, which means she is much, much lower on the social scale than Cardan and no one else in this world would likely take her side if she told Cardan no. She is also incredibly passive, and would probably not say no even if she really did not want to. And at the beginning of the book, we are given no context to point to Taryn wanting to, and Cardan KNOWS Jude thinks her sister wouldn’t want to. That’s…getting into that territory, Cardan.

Also, any book that makes me say, “WHEW! The hero wasn’t threatening to rape the heroine’s sister! He was just slut-shaming the heroine’s sister! YAY!” Um…it’s probably leaving something to be desired.

One Crowned Clown gif for each time this book makes me want to jump off a cliff

Okay, and now I want all of you to hold hands with me and chant: “A MAGICAL ROOFIE IS STILL A ROOFIE. JUST BECAUSE IT IS PLACED IN A FANTASY CONTEXT DOES NOT MAKE IT NOT A ROOFIE.” So, uh…No one raped Jude, which is the most I can say for this book, but Cardan’s friends force-fed her a magical fruit that, basically, acts like a roofie, and then they proceeded to sexually harass her, making her take her clothes off, etc. Uh…this situation makes Cardan slightly uncomfortable, but he doesn’t do much to stop them, and, lo and behold, he even joins in a little. And yes, I went through the pain of rereading that scene just for you guys. I hope you appreciate it, because that took a lot out of me.

But it’s totally okay, guys! He’s being abused! Cardan isn’t responsible for the things he’s done or anything! (like, you know…the sexual harassment.) LOVE THE PUPPY.

How I felt while reading this book

And this book has a whole host of other problems, number one being that the plot didn’t start till over halfway through the book, and number two being that Jude threw herself into dangerous situations with no plan, like all my favorite YA heroines, but you know what, I don’t want to finish this review. Forget it. Not even Crowned Clown gifs can pull me through this. Although, I will say one thing regarding Madoc: he was actually the one aspect of this book I found interesting. I totally get how Jude loved him as a father figure, in a twisted way; even though he killed her parents, he’s also the only one who’s been able to protect her in a harsh, unforgiving world. Stockholm syndrome, basically. I actually really loved Madoc–he gave me Marak from The Hollow Kingdom vibes, and The Hollow Kingdom is one of my favorite books ever–and I would have 1000% preferred the story narrated by him rather than Jude. We might have actually gotten some political intrigue, for one. But no. The book focuses on the boring dumbass teenagers, as usual.

One last thing: I absolutely do not blame anyone for liking this book, heaven knows I’ve liked things that other people hated. This just didn’t work for me personally, but if it worked for you, that is WONDERFUL. Also, wow getting out my feelings in this review felt really good. I see why people like writing rant reviews now.

Mothling out. Go watch Crowned Clown, the court intrigue is interesting and the characters are about 1000 times more likable.